The Year We Were Apart
by Hummel-Anderson
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are going to be apart for an entire year while Kurt attends college in New York City and Blaine is stuck in Lima finishing high school. This is story about their struggles and hardships they face along with how they adjust to the drastic changes to their lives that they have no control over. Will love prevail or will their seemingly perfect relationship crumble?
1. August

**The Year We Were Apart.**

(Blaine's POV)

(August)

_Dear Journal,_

_I just got home from dropping Kurt off at the airport. Burt's letting me stay at the Hudmel house for a few days in Kurt's room so I can get used to him not being here, but not being totally alone. I haven't stopped crying since Kurt walked through the gates seperating us until Thanksgiving. Burt and I had a good 10 minutes sobbing period where all we did was hold each other and cry, I cried because of how much I'll miss the love of my life and he cried because he little baby boy is all gown up. I want so badly to be just one year older than I am, then we wouldn't have to be apart like this. No matter how much Kurt tried to put on a brave face at the airport I knew that as soon as he got on the plane he started sobbing. He always feels like he has to be strong for everyone else, but sometimes I just wish he would let it all out. _

_I hate myself for feeling like this, Kurt is going to to New York to conquer his destiney! He didn't get into NYADA but that's okay because FIT and Tisch accepted him, and he admitted to me that he was glad that he didn't get into NYADA, he true passion is fashion and nothing can stop him from becoming one of the world's greatest designers. He's wanted this is entire life so I can't feel selfish, this is a two sided relationship and I have to support him in everything he does, just like I know he would support me if situatuions were reversed. Sometimes I just wish his dream was to be a mechanic like Burt or something he didn't have to be in another state to learn._

_But I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without Kurt for the next 3 months. I spent everyday with Kurt because he is my everything. After school we would go for coffee and then we would go back to his house and study, which usually led to making out. Not that either of us were complaining. But now that Kurt's in New York I don't know what I'm going to do. Probably just sit in my room or Kurt's by myself binging on ice cream and crying over how much I miss my love. God I miss him._

_We do have a plan for communication though, we are going to try to skype every night around 9: 30 because Kurt has a part-time job and will be working until 7 then he has to do homework and such, and I'll have Glee until 5: 00 then probably loads of homework too. Damn you AP classes! We're going to text as often as we can and we'll always call each other to say goodnight. That was our biggest and most important rule. It'll be so odd not sleeping next to Kurt. Most nights I either slept and the Hudmel's or Kurt slept at my house, so we had gotten very used to sleeping together. And now it feels like all the good things in my life have been ripped away and stomped on, and I was forced to watch._

_My biggest fear though is that Kurt will find some one hotter, taller, more handsome, funnier, more athletic, nicer, more charming and just better than me. Then he'll realize he can do so much better than his stupid high school boyfriend whose stuck in Lima. And he'll dump me over skype because he can't make it back to Lima to do it in person. And then he'll live my happily ever after with some buff body builder and I'll be forever alone. And I'm crying again._

_I don't know what I'm going to do without my Kurt, but he came up with this idea that we write in these 'journals' once a month to help us vent our feelings, then when we're both living in New York we'll let each other read them. I'm just hoping this year will go by quckly because it is really going to suck. I miss my Kurt!_

_-Blaine Anderson_

* * *

(Kurt's POV)

(August)

_Dear Journal,_

_I just got on the plane and I haven't stopped crying since I left Blaine behind at the security gate. People are starting to stare at me but I honestly couldn't stop if I tried. I don't know why I ever thought going to college in New York would be a good idea. __**It's your dream dumby! **__Oh yeah, my dream is to be away from my loving gorgeous just so I can attend FIT in New York. Blaine has always been supportive of me and I am glad of that, but their is some part of me that wishes he would have begged me to stay, then there's the part that's glad he didn't because if he had I would have stayed. _

_But it's probably for the better now that I'm on my way. I'm going to meet Rachel at the airport and she'll bring me to the apartment we rent together because I have no idea how to get there! She got into NYADA and I chose FIT so we decided on an apartment that was right between the two colleges. (And it's also the same distance to Julliard, where Blaine is applying and surely going to be accepted, so when Blaine comes to New York we won't have to move.) Rachel has a bedroom and I have my own bedroom, that will one day be Blaine and I's bedroom then their is a tiny living space and small kitchen that Rachel let me decorate when we brought our families to see the dorms in July. _

_We're up in the air now and there's no turning back. I'm listening to the playlist of songs Blaine recorded for me before I left. His voice is like an instant calm down for me. Everytime I hear it I can't help but be relaxed. That will come in handy when I'm studying like crazy for an exam. I can't believe that I won't be able to come home until Thanksgiving though, that 3 months away. I'm looking at my promise ring now and realising that through all the heartache and bed times that are surely right ahead of us, we'll be okay because me have each other and that's all we need. I need Blaine. Alas a fesh wave of tears._

_I'm hoping that with all my school work and my part-time job I won't have to much time to be sad and depressed about being so far away from Blaine and home. But I'm worried about Blaine, he has a habbit of closing himself off when there's something bugging him and usually I'm the only one he'll let behind the walls he builds for himself. But without me there I just hope he moves on and lives his life, this year doesn't have to be all bad. _

_There will be a pretty much new Glee club and his classes should keep him interested. I may have black mailed Principle Figgins into putting him into all the classes I know he would like! And I made sure that Mr. Schue and Tina would call me at the first sign of him slipping into a closed off state. He was so strong today at the airport, only letting me see a few tears but I know that as soon as I left he was crying too. We are so dependent on each other that I don't really know if we will be able to make this year work. I just hope that in 1 year from now, Blaine will be sitting on this plane with me and we'll be talking about our plans for our future together. The one we always knew we would have. Jeez, I miss Blaine._

_- Kurt Hummel_

* * *

So? What did you think please leave me a review hopefully I will have the next chapter posted tomorrow or maybe even later tonight but now I have to go study for finals! Just an idea that popped into my head and figured I might as well start writing it to see if anything good will come out of this idea. So you be the judge and tell me if it's any good please!

**-Hummel-Anderson**


	2. September

***Note* The song Blaine 'writes' is actually a song I wrote, so feedback on that would be lovely!**

(Blaine's POV)

(September)

_Dear Journal, _

_School started back up again so now I'm not at home by myself anymore, I'm by myself in a school full of people which is so much worse. Surprisingly I got all the classes that I wanted so at least this year won't be academically boring. The night before Kurt left for NYC he left one of his T-Shirts at my house so today I wore it. It still smells like him even though I washed it. That sounded really creepy, but I just miss him so much. _

_The new members of Glee are nice, and some are pretty talented. Tina and I are the group leads for this year which is a great honor. We're sort of like the new Finn and Rachel, minus all the love and sex and marriage. Eww, Rachel and Finn having sex! That's my new boner kill. That will come in handy when Kurt comes down on Thanksgiving weekend because I plan on having some quite lovely alone time._

_I still miss Kurt more than I'll ever be able to put into words. Last week their was one day where we didn't even talk at all because we both had loads of homework and that day was like HELL. Talking to Kurt is the best part of my day, and pretty much all I have to look forward too! I've even taken the guitar back up in effort to have something to do. Even though I have loads of homework it's all relatively easy so I'm done pretty early most days. My Mom thinks I should give little kids guitar and piano lessons as a way to earn some cash for when I move to New York. I think I might and when I talked to Kurt about it he said it was a good idea too! _

_As for my fear of Kurt dumping me for an older, more attractive man nothing has happened yet so that's a relief. I honestly don't know what I would do if I lost Kurt. I know we're only teenagers and people used to tell us that 'it's just teenage love, it won't last' but I know what I have with Kurt is special and it's not just teenage love. It's the kind of love you feel for the person you know you're going to spend the rest of your life with._

_I've also been writing songs to try and funnel out some of my emotions other than crying (which I seem to be doing a lot of these days; I swear if I didn't look like a guy people would like I'm PMSing or something! I literally feel like I have the emotions of a 13 year old girl, but it's not my fault! How would you feel if your other half was ripped away from you and shipped to another state!) I like this one the best:_

_When I can feel your touch_

_I know it's only in my dreams_

_When I can feel you lips_

_I know it's not the real thing_

_All I want in this cruel cruel world is _

_to hold my baby girl_

_I don't want no fancy car, a life of luxury_

_no -oh oh _

_I just want to love and kiss you_

_I don't wanna miss you_

_I'm going crazy without you_

_You and me, that's all I need._

_It's not finished but I'm hoping to play it for Kurt when he come's home for Thanksgiving, only two months away! I can't wait! I miss Kurt!_

_- Blaine Anderson_

* * *

(Kurt's POV)

(September)

_Dear Journal,_

_Rachel. Must. Die! I swear if I come home one more time to see her and Finn making out on our couch I will throw them both out of our 18th story apartment window. Finn got a job in NYC so he moved out here a few weeks ago and now he lives with us too. But seriously their bedroom is 5 feet away from the couch. Not that far of a walk! _

_College Sucks too. It's nothing like I thought it would be. I'm not getting nearly enough sleep, the bages under my eyes are god awful and I've been so tired lately I've skipped on my moisterizing routine at least 10 times. I have homework on top of homework and homework on top of my job as a singing waiter at a local resturant called 'The Gallaway Hills." It's an upcoming restuarant and it pays good so I don't complain, it also gives me a place to sing seeing as I gave up my Broadway career to be a fshion desginer._

_Pretty much the only good part about my day is my 9: 30 phone call with Blaine. Sometimes we just sit and talk for hours while I do homework and he gets ready for the next day. Being away from Blaine absolutely sucks. I still cry sometimes when I think about him. I miss him holding me in his warm strong arms and I miss nuzzling my nose in the small crook between his shoulder and his neck and drinking in his scent and memerizing all the veins and snesitive spots for future reference._

_But without any of that to keep me sane, I was well insane. Thanksgiving will not come fast enough. I miss my Dad and Carole too! They called the other day and I was a sobbing mess through the whole conversation. We talked about their new lifestyle now that they had no kids in the house and how Blaine comes over for dinner once a week to. (I really liked that tid-bit of information) We talked about school and my new friends Scott, Delilah, Genevieve and Tom._

_Scott is a tall lanky man with definded muscles and short shaggy blond hair who is straight as a nail but in no way homophobic. He's really fun and I always laughs around him. One time when we were having lunch together he walked up to these girls and started using god-awfuls pick up lines on them but it actually worked. He reminds me of Puck so much sometimes._

_Tom on the other hand is older than all of my other friends and gay too. He works at the same resturant and we often talk on breaks and when we're waiting for orders to come out and be delivered to their tables. It's suprising how much you can learn about a person that way. I learned that Tom is from Idaho and happily married to a lovely man named Russel, and they are planning on having kids when Russel finishes up his school in New York. Tom was probably one of Kurt's bestfriends now, because he was so easily relatable and Tom never judged him when he had a problem that he needed help fixing._

_Delilah is a petit little blonde with a fierce passion for fashion and almost as much talent for it as me! (I win though!) We share all our classes and we go out for dinner a lot too, when neither of us is working. She reminds me of my home girl 'Cedes who is in LA and I rarely get a chance to talk to much to my displeasure._

_And finally we come to Genevieve, some times I don't know why this girl isn't a model. She is tall and thin with gorgeous curly brown locks that sit right above he breasts and flawless complexion. I always say that if I were a girl she is who I would want to be. She's also and in the fashion prgram with Delilah and I. The three of us are pretty close and all just happen to have boyfriends who are out of state. So we get along and understand each other quite well, and are always there when one another need a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. _

_Even with these amazinf friends and loads of school work I still can't help but wonder how much easier my ife would be if I had just stayed in Lima. But everytime I think about that I just think about what Quinn said back when Blaine was in the hospital from the slushie Sebastian tossed up in his grill._

_**"You can't change the past, but you can let go and start your future."**_

_Even though I have no intention of letting Blaine go, ever. The metaphor still works with my worries. Gah, I miss Blaine so much I would cut up my Chanel coat if it meant I could be with him again._

_- Kurt Hummel_

* * *

UH OH! You know it's getting serious when Kurt says he would cut up his designer jacket for something!

- Hummel-Anderson


	3. October

(Blaine's POV)

October

_Dear Journal,_

_My Dad caught me crying in my room last night and went balistic. He said that Kurt is just some fag who made me gay and will only end up breaking my heart because no one will ever love me. I know what he says is wrong and not true but it still hurts. Especially hearing it from someone you grew up modelling yourself after. My father useed to be my hero, my best-friend and my role model. Now he's just someone I am forced to live with until I graduate and can run off to New York to live with my Kurt, one of the few people in the world (the others being the Hummel's) that love me. _

_Things with my Dad gave gotten so much worse lately though, I think it's just because when Kurt was around he took the edge off the harassment my father put me through. I knew that as long as I got to see Kurt, everything would be okay. But now I haven't seen him in 82 days, and people are starting to notice the change in me._

_Yesterday I was called down to Mrs. Schuester's (Miss Pilsbury married Mr Schue over the summer!) office because some of the teachers noticed my grades slipping and my attiutude taking a turn. Everyone knows I'm depressed about being away from Kurt but she said that it's more than that. So I lied and told her I was just stressed with rehearsals for Sectionals and studying for mid-terms. I'm glad she bought it because I don't know what I would do if anyone knew what happens in my house. _

_Kurt knows to some extent but he doesn't know how bad it really is...or how bad it's gotten since he left. Sometimes I think it would be easier to let him know the full truth, but I know my father would make me pay for that one. So I put on my brave face and pray to Cheesus thgat my facade isn't see through. At least for now, because soon it will all be worth it. All the pain and suffering will be okay because I will get to be with Kurt, and that's the only thing I've ever wanted._

_I'm almost done my application for Julliard. I have a good feeling about it, like in the pit of my stomach I know I'll get in. But since I don't want to get my hopes up I'm also applying to NYADA, NYU, Tisch and FIT. I figured that if I apply to 5 colleges in New York one is bound to accept me. I have almost flawless grades. My extracurriculars at Dalton are outstanding and I have 4 years olf Glee under my belt. _

_The only thing that matters is that I get to New York. I don't have to look for an apartment cause Kurt and I already decided I would love with him, Rachel and Finn. So all I need is a job to cover my quarter of the rent! But right now I have a part-time job at the Lima Bean and I do the yard work for several of my wealthy neighboors because I'm saving up for one of the most important things in my life. _

_There is a moment when you say to yourself 'Oh there you are! I've been looking for you forever' and that moment happened to me almost two years ago. It was a Tuesday, Tuesday March 15 2011 is the day my world a great man once said 'When one door closes another one opens, but God he did one better, he knocked down a whole wall and pointed me in Kurt's direction.' That was the day I realized I was I'm in love with my best-friend Kurt Hummel. _

_And now I know for sure that I will love him forever. Being apart from the person you love makes you realize things. Being away from Kurt has made me realize that there has never been nor will ever be more important in my life than Kurt. He's everything that I am, my missing puzzle piece. _

_So the day I graduate from McKinley I am going to ask Kurt to marry me._

_-Blaine Anderson_

* * *

(Kurt's POV)

October

_Dear Journal,_

_Life without Blaine is absolute HELL. Living with sexually active Finchel is also HELL. I cannot count how many times I've woken up to Rachel's high-pitched moaning or to hearing their bed springs creeking. It's bad enough Rachel's my best-friend and Finn's my brother, I don't need to hear them going at it like rabbits in heat. _

_College isn't half as easy as people make it seem. I have homework every day and I'm getting very little sleep because I've been working extra shifts at the resturant so I can save up some money for something really important. On the day Blaine graduates from McKinley I'm going to ask him to marry me. I love him more than anything in the world and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and only him. There's never going to be another guy or someone else. It's always has been and always will be him. Ever since I stopped him on that staircase at Dalton. There must have been 75 other people on that staircase I could have stopped but I stopped him. It was the best thing I've ever done, because that day I met my life partner. _

_Other than that life sucks. The thought of Thanksgiving and getting to see Blaine is pretty much the only reason I get up in the morning. I get too see him in 21 days to be exact. I even get to stay for an entire week, I'm just scared for leaving but at least I'll be back 3 weeks later for Christmas, and then I get too stay for 3 weeks! _

_I'm worried about Blaine again though. I know that what he tells me about his home life is an edited version of what actually happens and I wish there was something I could do to make it better. His father is probably the biggest asshole I've ever met and that's saying something because I've met Sebastian Smythe. I just don't understand how someone could treat their kid so poorly. If it weren't for Cooper I don't think Blaine would still be alive. He would be dead one way or another. _

_The thought of Blaine not being in my life sends chills up and down my body and not in a good way. Too be honest I'm not sure if I'd be alive either if it weren't for Blaine. No one other than Blaine, my Dad and Mercedes knows that I used to cut. It was around the time Mercedes admitted that she liked me and I had told her I liked Rachel so I woulndn't have to date her. I was so ashamed of myself for lying to my best-friend but I wasn't ready to come out. So I cut myself, it helped for a while but it never really took the pain away. I cut my thighs so it was easy to hide and wouldn't affect my fashion choices (unless I suddenly wanted to wear short shorts...but I didn't!) _

_Then one day Mercedes caught me. It was the push I needed to stop, and I did. For a while. I started again when David started the bullying really bad. I remember this one time he got me really good in the hall way and I snapped. I had a panic attack and had to go to the hospital. When I got home I made 45 cuts to my thighs and stomach. One for each reason I could come up with as to why David hated me so much. _

_Then I met Blaine, showed me how to live again and I stopped. I only ever cut once more after I met Blaine, and that was when he found the texts from Chandler. I thought I was going to loose him and it was too much. No one knows about the last time though, I thought about telling Blaine but figured it would only hurt him more and make him feel guilty. And he doesn't need that, he has enough problems as is. So I called my Dad the other day just to make sure he kept a close eye on Blaine. If anything is to happen to him I don't know what I'll do. So I'll settle for letting nothing touch my poor innocent, loving boyfriend and opefully soon to be fiancé._

_-Kurt Hummel_

* * *

**_Please Review! _**


	4. November Part One

(Blaine's POV)

November Part 1

_Dear Journal,_

_Kurt couldn't fly back for my 18__th__ birthday. I was alone. The glee club tried to do something for me but I told them I had family plans. I'm lucky no one knows my family situation because my parents didn't even acknowledge my birthday. I know Kurt doesn't have the money or time to fly out for his stupid high school boyfriend's birthday but it still hurt. But my anger wasn't directed at Kurt, it was directed at the world in general. _

_I was at my shattering point, and then life took a turn for the worse and I shattered. _

_Things have gotten so much worse, and when I say worse I mean WORSE. In short; my dad caught me skyping with Kurt one night and it just so happened that we both had been crying. He said that I was a sissy and Kurt was the reason I was so diseased, luckily though I managed to log off before he said anything that would make him suspicious. _

_Then my father thought it would be a good idea to beat the gay out of me. I could practically smell the alcohol wafting off of his clothes and breath. I was so scared. It wasn't like my father hadn't hit me before because I was no stranger to that. I can't even count all the times I've had to wear make-up just to hide the bruises he would leave behind after one of his alcohol driven attacks._

_But this time it was so much worse, it was terrifying. The way he was hitting me, like it was my fault that his world is so terrible. I honestly don't even know what I ever did to deserve the hell he put me through. I am not the reason he has a drinking problem or the reason that he couldn't find a decent job was his firm fired him. Or maybe I am… _

_Anyway, that night was so bad. He kept pummeling me like he never wanted me to see the light of day again. He would slap me across the face the elbow me in the gut when I moved my hand to caress the stinging in my cheek. He kicked me when I was down, and it gave him pleasure. But little did I know the worst was yet to come. _

_I could take the physical side of it all but when he dove into the emotional side of his hate towards me and my being gay that was when I couldn't take it anymore. It hurt me because he blamed it all on Kurt. He would claim that I was fine before Kurt came along and 'turned me gay' but the truth was that I just never had the guts to come out to him or my mother before Kurt. He gave me the COURAGE to do that._

_But the truth was that he had always had a certain dislike towards me. He had told me on numerous times that I was a mistake. That Cooper was the planned child and I was just some drunken sex they turned terribly wrong, he used to yell how he wished that my mother had gotten an abortion. It was humiliating to have to hear that from my own father. The man I was supposed to look up to hated me for a reason I couldn't control._

_So I finally stood up to him, and decided enough is enough and I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I yelled and screamed and let out all the pent up aggression and anger I had towards him and his hate. He wasn't going to just sit back and take it though. Once I was finished he slapped me across the face and told me I had 10 minutes to grab my stuff and leave, he said he never wanted to see me again. I was still so hurt from before physically and emotionally that all I could think about was getting out of there and being safe._

_I grabbed my stuff and left. I left the house that was my home for 18 years. The best part was that I wasn't sad to see it go. Only once I was out of the house and on the sidewalk did I realize that I had nowhere to go. All of my family lived in the Philippines or Ireland. My father's side were all drunks and homophobes; we never really talked to them anyway. And I was not going to seek the refuge of my mom's family who lived in the Philippines, they lived half way across the world, and it's not like my mother had stood up for me one bit. She just stood there and watched her son leave. _

_I was in a lot of pain by now; my adrenaline rush was wearing off. I slumped down on the curb and brought out my phone and looked for someone to call, anyone. _

_Then it hit me like a ton of bricks; Burt Hummel._

_The man had always been like a father to me. Replacing my own who wasn't man enough to accept me for me and love me like any father would love their son. So I called Burt, and now I live with the Hummel's. I'm 18 so I am legally able to live anywhere I want which is great because I don't think I could survive a court battle with the people who called themselves my parents._

_Kurt doesn't know, and he won't know until he comes back to Ohio in a few days, I begged Burt not too tell him claiming I wanted it to be a surprise but in truth I'm just ashamed. Ashamed that I couldn't be a man and stand up to my father without getting beat down. I'm so ashamed that I literally get sick thinking about what Kurt will say when he gets home. _

_But I still push all of those thoughts away because if I dwell on them then life would really suck at the moment; I work at Burt's tire shop to earn some cash and to pass the time. I feel bad that I rely on Burt and Carole for so much, they just rid their house of children only to have another one step right back in. _

_But they keep assuring me that I'm not intruding and that they would rather have me safe and at their place then living with the monsters that I had previously. I am so grateful for that because if it weren't for them I would be living on the street._

_It's funny to think that all this has happened to me over the last few weeks and Kurt still has no idea, h still thinks that I'm a happy senior who lives at home and hangs out with my friends and lives a normal life.  
If only he knew…_

_-Blaine Anderson_

* * *

(Kurt's POV)

November Part 1

_Dear Journal, _

_I know you're an inanimate object and all but I'm going to ask you a serious question; have you ever felt like something really bad is happening right under your nose?_

_Well I know you haven't but I have, with Blaine. One night we were skyping like normal and we had both been crying heavily, it's hard no too when we see each other. I miss him so much it's not even funny. I know I'll get to see him in a few days' time because it's almost thanksgiving break but I just can't help but feel like going back with involve a flood emotions I've been trying so hard to repress lately. _

_So like I said, we were skyping then I could hear his Dad walk in and start yelling something, it sounded like he was drunk. It happened a lot, his dad drank his body weight in alcohol on a weekly basis. But it sounded like they were fighting about Blaine being gay, which also wasn't out of the ordinary. _

_Sometimes, I think it would have been better if we had kept our relationship a secret from his parents until we moved out to New York to be together, it sure would have saved Blaine a lot of pain. I know he'll never admit it to me but I can't even count how many times we would be making out and he would get sweaty and the make-up he was wearing would rub right off to reveal deep purple bruises. But every time I would try to bring it up he would push the subject away._

_I just hope he's okay, I know he's strong but you can only be strong for so long before you shatter, and I sure hope that Blaine doesn't get to his shattering point. _

_Other than my constant worrying about my boyfriend back in Lima life isn't all Rachel, Finn and I had made it out to be. We had carved New York into our dreams and placed it on a pedestal. We thought it was perfect and untouchable and bound to lead us to a quick fandom. That was a slap right to the face, we had basically been turned down for every role we auditioned for and were living off Roman noodles and processed cheese slices and working double shifts so we had just enough money to pay the insane amount of rent our crappy little apartment cost. _

_I pretty much live for mine and Blaine's Skype dates. We try to make it a habit of skyping everyday like we had originally planned but assignments and Blaine's glee club mixed with my auditions and both of our utter lack of sleep always seems to get in the way. _

_I have even stopped hanging out with __Scott, Delilah, Genevieve and Tom. We still talk in school but I just can't seem to find the time now that the semester has come at us full swing, and while I'm trying to maintain a good relationship with the man I love._

_I was so heartbroken that I didn't have the funds or time to fly out to Lima for Blaine's 18__th__ birthday, he said it didn't bother him and that he understood but I knew it got to him. And it makes me sad everyday thinking of him alone on the special day. No one should be alone on their birthday, I just hope that Tina and the rest of his Glee club friends made it special for him, because I sure know his god awful parents didn't._

_I know I sound cacophonic but life really sucks at the moment, I don't know if it's being in New York without Blaine or how life seems to be falling in to place for everyone except me. New York was my dream but maybe somewhere along the way going to New York with Blaine was what my dream became. _

_-Kurt Hummel_


	5. November Part Two

(Blaine's POV)

(November Part 2)

_Dear Journal,_

_I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can finally breathe. There are three reasons I feel this way and all involve Kurt; my beautiful, sweet, lovely, sexy, gorgeous Kurt. Every time we interact it always lightens my mood and makes life seem bearable when it really isn't. Out of my utter respect for clichés I am going to relay to you the good before the bad. _

_The Good;_

_Kurt came home for Thanksgiving! The minute I saw him standing their in the airport searching for us I instantly felt right- like I was at home where I was loved and cherished and most of all wanted. Seeing him in person for the first time in 3 months was much more bewildering than I thought it was going to be. _

_Suddenly all the little changes in Kurt's physicality seemed much more pronounced; his jaw seemed more defined and lacked all baby fat that had been there the last time I had kissed one of those flawless cheeks. His cheekbones seemed more defined and higher. His skin was a slightly darker shade of porcelain and it positively glowed with excitement. His lips looked sharp and untouched, _I can fix that, _I thought to myself. His eyebrows were arched and his hair was styled differently. It was adorably messy but I could tell he styled it that way. And if it were possible he looked slightly taller, another great shot for my self-esteem. _

_He was wearing a tight purple v-neck tee that hugged his arms and chest nicely. And I could see the slight definition of muscles starting to form on his upper arms and stomach. He looked nothing short of flawless, then again he could be wearing a paper bag and I would still find him incredibly scrumptious. _

_He finally saw Burt, Carole and I, next thing I knew I had an armful of hysterical Kurt. We fit together like puzzle pieces. I hugged him like I never wanted to let go, and in truth if I didn't have to I wouldn't have. But I had to let him go and hug Burt and Carole so I settled for burying my face in the crook of his neck taking in his distinctive scent and pressing a small chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth before handing him off. _

_The rest of the week was magical, we ate dinner together every night, we watched movies, we sang together, went on dates and fell asleep in each other's arms every night. It was the best sleep I had had in so long, and it was all thanks to Kurt; my hero. _

_The Bad;_

_When I told Kurt about my living situation and how my Dad finally had it and kicked me out he was…for lack of a better word- pissed off. It took both me and Finn to hold him back from going to my parents place and giving them his two sense. I knew that he would react badly to it, especially since we had kept it a secret from him for so long. I tried to explain to him that I wanted it to be a surprise for him when he got back, but I may be able to lie to the Hummel's but no to Kurt. Thank Cheesus that he didn't say anything in front of the Hummel's; I didn't lie to hurt them. I was just to ashamed of myself not being able to stand up to my father so I just needed time for myself before Kurt knew. _

_Luckily though I have the world's best boyfriend and he seemed to get it. So we just talked about it and he understood which is amazing because I don't know what I would have done without Kurt. _

_But I know that if you could wonder you would probably be wondering why this falls under bad. Well, when he was initially pissed off it was bad. End of story. _

_And then there was the fact that he had to leave again. I was a little bit better at the airport than I was the first time. I still cried but I wasn't as emotional; at least not until we got home. _

_But all that really matters to me now is that I got to see Kurt! I just wish he could have stayed longer. And I really hope he doesn't blame himself for not noticing earlier about my living situation. I know he tends to blame himself for everything. I just wish there was a way I could make all his pain go away and we could be together; like how we belong. I had never felt more at home than in the few days that Kurt was back in Lima. _

_-Blaine Anderson_

_(Kurt's POV)_

_November Part 1_

_Dear Journal,_

_ Stupid. So very stupid I am. How could I not have realised that my own boyfriend; the love of my life; the man I'm going to ask to marry me in 6 months was living at my house with my parents because his Dad beat him and kicked him out. I feel like an idiot. _

_ Then I feel like even more of an idiot because Blaine's probably back in Lima hoping that I'm not blaming myself because doesn't think it's my fault when clearly it is. If I would have said something earlier or paid more attention to his surroundings when we were skyping I would have noticed. _

_ But I was too caught up in my own little world to even notice him struggling. If there was an award for world's worst boyfriend I would definitely top the cake. _

_ I honestly don't understand how a parent who is supposed to love their child unconditionally could do that to their son. I mean I understand Mr. Anderson and how he did it because I had met the man once or twice before and I knew he was a total ass. But what I didn't understand is how Mrs. Anderson just stood by and let it all happen._

_ I had met her far more often then Blaine's father and she was always sweet to me. But apparently it was all just an act seeing as how Blaine was now living in my room at my father's house. _

_ I keep telling myself only six more months; six more months until all the pain and suffering is gone and we can just be Kurt and Blaine again. Two teenagers who are hopelessly in love with each other and hopefully engaged. _

_ But will Blaine even want to marry me? I'm his boyfriend and I couldn't even realize that he was kicked out of his home. How am I going to be a husband? My head literally hurts from thinking about it. _

_ It was also really nice to see my Dad and Carole again. As much as I had missed Blaine I also had kept a special part of my heart I reserved to miss my parents. And if the tears that were streaming down both theirs faces when I got home from the airport were any indication I'd say they miss me too!_

_ Luckily Finn and Rachel are out with their friends Liam and Savannah because I can just feel the migraine that thinking about all the drama has brought on. Sometimes I feel like my life is a cross between a rom-com a horror film and dramedy._

_ Not only are things with Blaine hectic but my life in general is non stop. Whenever I'm not at school or at an audition for some ratty old community theatre play I'm working my ass off so I can buy Blaine's engagement ring._

_ It would be nice to just lie down and sleep for a few days. But I just got to keep pushing through because I know that in the end our love will prevail. _

_-Kurt Hummel_


	6. December

(Blaine's POV)

(December)

_Dear Journal,_

_One could say that this month has been, eventful. Including my brief trip to New York to comfort Kurt while he had a melt down because he convinced himself that my Dad beating on me was his fault, loads of extra shifts at the Lima Bean so I can buy a ring so I can propose to Kurt after graduation in 5 months. Luckily though, thanks to my amazing grades and school involvement at Dalton I already have a full scholarship to NYU, so I don't have to worry about paying for college. _

_Also Sebastian the criminal chipmunk (as my lovely boyfriend refers to it as) also decided to make another appearance in my month from hell, and to top it all off; Christmas. Bah humbug. _

_It's not that I don't like Christmas, don't get me wrong. There's something about the season that makes a me just feel like a little kid again; before I came out when my parents still loved me because I was there son, and they didn't hate me because I'm gay. Plus with the holiday season came another visit from Kurt. Not that it had been a long time since I'd seen him. _

_A couple of weeks after thanksgiving Rachel called me and told me that Kurt was getting really depressed and he wouldn't eat and he was starting to skip his classes so naturally I drove up to New York to see what was wrong. Turns out just like I had feared he was blaming himself for my father being a total crab-skinned dicksmith and kicking me out. So after lots of talking and cuddling, and tons of convincing Kurt that it was in no way his fault, he finally stopped believing it was his fault. _

_The only bad thing about my impromptu trip to New York was that I had to come back to stupid old Lima. I will be so glad when I can finally get out of this place and start living out my dreams in New York with the man of my dreams. Because leaving Kurt is always the hardest. _

_I just miss him so much that it hurts to think about. He's in the shower right now and all I can think of is how much I just want him in my arms instead. Cleanliness be damned for all I care. He just…fits there. He's my missing puzzle and I'm his. I honestly cannot believe that I've survived so long without him in my life. _

_But then again I lived for fifteen and a half years without even knowing of his existence. It seems silly if you think about it, how I'm doubting the reasons I'm alive when Kurt's not with me when I've lived for a decade and a half without him. But it's like once I found him we connected. Like there's something physically between us that keeps us together, but when he gets to far it hurts. _

_And then when I got back the manager at the Lima Bean started getting on my ass and giving me the crappy shifts because I missed so much work without explanation. But I just keep telling myself that it could've been worse because she could have easily fired me. I didn't really tell her why I needed the days off to go see Kurt, so in the end I was pretty lucky. _

_But of all the bad things that have happened this month Christmas was not one of them, it was just at an inconvenient time. Kurt got in on the twenty third with Rachel, Finn and Santana and we spent most of the day cuddling. On Christmas Eve we went to a New Direction's party at Tina's house. It was great because Kurt got too meet my new friends that were first year members and they all got too meet the people who built our club from the ground up. _

_Then on Christmas Day we had dinner with the Hudmel family. Relatives from all over came to the dinner and it was really nice. I really liked meeting Kurt and Finn's families, and they were all very accepting of us and our…situation. _

_Then of course there was Boxing Day shopping. I swear to Cheesus that if it hadn't been for Finn who was also required to attend the trip I would have died. I had no idea the pain and suffering the girls and Kurt went through every year for the sales that they liked. After that day I found a whole new respect for them. But I couldn't complain too much because as long as I was spending time with Kurt I honestly couldn't care what we were doing. _

_Tomorrow's New Years Eve, then Kurt leaves a week after that. Life absolutely sucks sometimes because after Kurt leaves I won't see him until spring break. I just wish there was a way that we wouldn't have to be apart…_

_-Blaine Anderson_

(Kurt's POV)

(August)

_Dear Journal,_

_Have you ever had that feeling where all you want to do is crawl in a whole and die a long painful death? Me neither, but I couldn't think of a way to start this journal entry. Things got better this month; thank Cheesus. I don't know how much more I could have handled. _

_But life's not all sunshine and rainbows quite yet. I had a melt down at the beginning of the month which resulted in Blaine driving up to NYC and calming me down enough so I could re-become a functioning member of society. _

_My mother had always told me that she'd never felt safer than when she was in a man's arms. Now being the strong, independent black woman who don't need no man that I am I always thought she was crazy. But ever since meeting Blaine I've realized what she meant. _

_Never have I ever felt safer than the moment Blaine's strong arms wrapped around my slim waist and held me close to his warm, inviting body. It was like with that one touch I became invincible and nothing could stop me from doing anything. But that's when I realized it was only because we are each other's missing puzzle pieces. I fit in his arms perfectly and it's because we were meant to be like that. We're soul mates. _

_I just still can't shake the feeling that I'm just terrible at being his boyfriend. We rely on each other so much but sometimes I just feel that I lean on him far more than he leans on me. And then on the few occasions where he does need to lean on me I mess up. _

_If I were smarter I would have recognized that something wasn't right and that the man that I love needed me more than anything but he was too proud too ask me for it. But he shouldn't have had to ask because I should have been there. But I wasn't._

_He's sleeping right next too me. He's beautiful when he sleeps, the way his mouth is parted ever so slightly, and how his eyebrows furrow just a little bit every time I move just a little bit. It is times like these that remind me of why I fell in love with the man who is sleeping beside me in my bed, even though technically it's also his bed now too. _

_If we can hold onto that love for the next five months, just long enough so I can propose then I know we'll be okay. Our love is forever and we can make it through the rest of the year. I know we can. _

_-Kurt Hummel_


	7. January

(Blaine's POV)

(January)

_Dear Journal,_

_Things are finally starting to look up. You want to know how I know? Well, there's nothing really to report this month. Hooray for that! Life has been so hectic lately, and it's just really nice to be able to sit back and catch my breath for a minute. The only bad thing that's happened this month is Kurt having to go back to New York; again._

_You'd think that after going back and forth so many times over the last couple months that it would get easier to say goodbye to one another. Yeah, it doesn't. Actually it seems like it's getting harder, because we know how much pain missing each other is. _

_Other than the pain of missing my beloved Kurt, life has pretty much been normal. Mind you as normal as it can be for an 18 year old boy living with his boyfriend's parents because his own parents kicked him out due to 'impurity'._

_With all the drama last month, I forgot to mention that we won regionals! It was really awesome because Ryder and Tina sang a really cool duet version of Breakeven by the Script, and they were so good! There wasn't a dry eye in the house! Artie and I sang the song 'Brokenhearted' by this newer band called 'Karmin' who does covers on YouTube. The release some of their own singles too. Then as a group, we closed with Love Is by Alannah Myles. _

_I know I'm extremely biased but I must say; we totally kicked ass! And now we're getting ready to head off to Nationals which is in…wait for it….NEW YORK! I almost died when I found out that we would be going to New York. It's great because Kurt can actually come to see us win Nationals for the second year in a row! He'd be so proud of us if we could actually win it again, so that's my goal from here on out. To win Nationals! _

_We've also got some pretty kick ass songs in mind for our set list which will really help. Artie, Kitty, Sugar, Ryder and Brittany really want us to do our rendition of 'Call Me Maybe' so unfortunately; we will probably be singing that. It's times like these that I totally regret singing that song at the beginning of the year. Then we were thinking of 'I Like You and Me' by Lifehouse, because we figured we'd stick with the whole 'meeting someone and falling in love' theme. Then finally 'You're My Best Friend' by Queen. _

_I told Kurt our set list and he thinks it's really good, so hopefully everything works out and we come home with another 'W'. Then after that, I get to move to New York to finally be with the love of my life. My best friend, my boyfriend and hopefully my fiancé._

_-Blaine Anderson_

(Kurt's POV)

(January)

_Dear Journal,_

_A new apartment is soon going to be a must. My innocence has seriously been corrupted since I've started living with Finn and Rachel and the other day it got worse! I walked in on them doing it in the living room! I'm going to have to burn that couch now, because I refuse to sit on it. It's too bad, because it was a really nice couch. _

_These are the problems I have to deal with everyday! This month has been so much better compared to the last few. There's been zero drama whatsoever and I'm finally starting to catch up on the school work that I'd been putting off in favour of spending extra time with Blaine to make sure he's okay. _

_We talked a little bit more about how he was doing before I came back to New York. Even though he says it's really hard to come to terms with it all, he thinks that soon enough he'll be able to get over it and move on with his life. I hate seeing him sad. It breaks my heart. _

_Also I'm so excited that Nationals are in New York this year! That means that I'll actually get to see them win Nationals for the second year in a row because Blaine showed me their set list and I mean…wow, they have it in the bag! Also, I'm going to black mail Mr. Schue into letting Blaine stay with me in my apartment while they're here so we can have some alone time when he's not needed for rehearsals. I'm also going to set it up so Rachel and Finn are not going to be home so we can have lots of loud obnoxious sex without bothering them because we're considerate. Unlike some people *cough cough Finchel cough cough*. _

_Other than that, life is good! I've also been seeing my friends a lot more lately. We went out to this karaoke club the other night and we had so much fun. I sang 'Teenage Dream' and thought of Blaine. Big Surprise right!? I guess not._

_In all seriousness, however, I'm glad that life's starting to look up for us because I'm not sure how much more crap we could've taken. Then again, we are strong on our own, and even stronger as a family. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure we could've handled it. _

_Love is love and love is louder than hate. _

_-Kurt Hummel_


	8. February Part One

(Blaine's POV)

(February Part One)

_Dear Journal,_

_This year Kurt and I are going to have the best Valentines Day ever because I have a fool proof plan. Every Valentines Day since I've known Kurt I've messed something up and it was ruined. Two years ago was my horrendous crush on Jeremiah which had left us both in tears (unbeknownst to me at the time), and then last year I was stuck on bed rest after having eye surgery thanks to Sebastian the criminal chipmunk's attempt to slushie and blind my boyfriend. _

_But just because our histories with the holiday have been rather rough, it's not to say we can't have an amazing one this year. I've got it all planned out so nothing can derail my bullet train to a romantic night with my gorgeous boyfriend. _

_My plan is rather simple. Thankfully Valentines is on a Friday this year so Burt said he'll get me out of classes that day so I can fly out to New York and surprise Kurt. I'll be waiting there in his apartment with roses and a candle lit dinner and it will be so romantic. _

_Turns out my Grandmother found out about my parents kicking me out and she had originally wanted me to move out to Atlanta, Georgia but since my life is in Lima and soon will be in New York I politely declined her offer. But being the loving, caring and generous woman she is she decided the least she could do was fill up my bank account with fifty thousand dollars. _

_Although fifty thousand dollars is not a huge sum of money to her it meant the world to me. With that money I was able to quit my job at the Lima Bean, buy the ring, buy the plane ticket and send some to Kurt to help him out a bit. At first he had refused but once I told him how much I had to give he was a little less reluctant. _

_I also bought Burt and Carole tickets for a Valentines Day cruise since I know they gave up their honey moon money to send Kurt to Dalton and I'll be forever indebted to them for housing and feeding me when my parents were to selfish to do it. They to were reluctant at first claiming that I didn't owe them anything but I was finally able to convince them. _

_So now all I have to is wait a few more days until Valentines Day before I can fly to New York and knock my boyfriend's neatly ironed socks off. I can't wait. _

_-Blaine Anderson_

(Kurt's POV)

(February Part One)

_Dear Journal,_

_This year Blaine and I are going to have the best Valentines Day ever because I have a fool proof plan. Lately, even though we talk everyday and Skype as much as we can Blaine has still seemed…distant. I know he won't admit it; not even to himself, but it's still true. I've gotten better at sensing things about him. I don't ever want to feel like I did in December again. _

_So I'm going to fly out to Lima on Friday morning, which also happens to be Valentines Day, and I'm going to surprise Blaine at the house when he gets home from school. Then we'll have a romantic dinner and we'll just be together. Kurt and Blaine. I'm not going to tell my Dad though because I know for a fact that he can't keep his mouth shut. So it's going to be a surprise for everybody! _

_Other than those big plans I've finally been able to buy Blaine's ring. Blaine sent me some money he got from his grandma so that was able to help me pay for rent/groceries/toiletries. So since those were all taken care of for a little while I was able to save most of my pay and tips to get the ring. _

_It's beautiful, just like him. It's a platinum band with a row of black diamonds along the bottom edge. When I saw it I immediately knew it was the one for Blaine. So, I have it now and all I have to do is wait for the turn of his tassel on that silly graduation cap and then I can pop the question that's been eating away at me for months. _

_It's not that I'm second guessing IF I want to marry Blaine because that isn't even a concern. I'm worried about if HE wants to marry me. This year has undoubtedly been hard and I'm sure there will be times in the future when it's hard to. But I know that I love him too much to let anything happen to us. I'm just not sure if he does. _

_Other than that my life is starting to get really hectic again as well. I've been designing small pieces on the side and this low end, not-famous-yet designer wants to put some of my pieces in her show; so that's been keeping me quite busy in the times that I'm not in class, auditioning for theatre (because hey, even though I'm not at a performing school I can still audition, even if I don't get it!), Skyping with Blaine or doing homework for those classes I mentioned earlier. _

_Sometimes things end up overlapping anyways. There's been so many times where Blaine and I just sit on Skype and talk while we do homework. It's almost like we're back in Lima, sitting on my bed and doing our homework together like we did everyday after school. Except now I can't just reach out and kiss him, hold him, or touch him. _

_It's going to be a long three days until Friday. _

_-Kurt Hummel_


	9. February Part Two

(Blaine's POV)

(February Part Two)

_Dear Journal,_

_I am undoubtedly the most idiotic person I know. Don't believe me? Well wait until you here this. . . So, because I am a hopeless romantic but I have a general lack of 'smoothness' I created a fool proof plan that was cracked by the most brilliant man I've ever met. Except in this case, he's also an idiot in this case. Yes, Kurt, I'm talking about you. _

_My fool proof plan involved me, Blaine Anderson (one day to be Blaine Hummel), jetting away to New York where my lover awaits for me and sweeping him off his feet for a romantic night on the town. Turns out my 'romantic night on the town' involved me, alone, in Kurt and Rachel's apartment minus Kurt and Rachel. _

_You may be wondering 'But Blaine, wasn't Kurt supposed to be there for you to sweep him off his designer shoe clad feet?' Yes. He was supposed to be there; 'supposed to' being the key part of that sentence. He wasn't though. Oh no. He was in Lima, where he thought I would be. Turns out we both came up with a fool proof plan to surprise each other for Valentine's Day. Woohoo_

_So I ended up (after loads of arguing between Kurt and I) spending the night cooped up in the Hummel-Berry apartment with Jean Valjean the cat and a tub of Ben & Jerry's while Kurt flew back to New York so we could spend some time together over the weekend like we'd both originally planned. _

_I kind of want to scream. Or cry… maybe both? Gosh, just once in my life can't something go right? I just wanted to have a nice Valentine's Day with my boyfriend and instead I got a mouth full of ice cream and a lap full of French Revolution cat._

_But I guess I should just focus on the good part, it's not like I can actually change what happened. But if I could, believe me I would. I want to be everything and anything for Kurt. But it gets hard when the world is throwing flaming bags of crap at you every time you try to do something. _

_-Blaine Anderson (soon to be Hummel)_

_P.S. I think that's going to be my name from now on. Blaine Anderson (soon to be Hummel)_

(Kurt's POV)

(February Part Two)

_Dear Journal,_

_Why does this always happen? Why? If someone knows please tell me. Have you ever seen what a kicked puppy looks like? An innocent one that did nothing wrong but still got the crap kicked out of it just because it exists. And you want to help it because it's just an innocent little puppy and it can't help itself. It's so tiny and sad looking you just want to wrap it all up in your arms and love it forever. That is how I feel about my boyfriend at the moment. _

_Blaine is… Blaine is the sweetest, most sensitive, loving, kind, generous, honest, hard working, caring, amiable and gentle man, no person that I know. But nothing that we plan ever goes right. My fool proof plan? Not so fool proof. Try 'Utterly easy and quick to fail miserably'. Oh yes, the plan didn't work out. Shocked? No, me neither. _

_I feel so bad though. Blaine wanted this to work out so bad. With all the bull shit he's had to put up with through this year, and his life it would have been nice for this one thing to work itself out. But no because that would just be too easy now wouldn't it?_

_So while I flew back to New York to salvage what would be left of our Valentine's Day weekend Blaine had to sit at my apartment with Jean Valjean (don't ask why we named him that we were a little drunk and emotional from watching Les Miserable) and wait for me. _

_I will make things better for my best friend. My lover. My boyfriend. And soon to be my fiancé then my husband. My forever. _

_-Kurt Hummel_


	10. March Part One

(Blaine's POV)

(March Part One)

_Dear Journal,_

_I have everything I need and yet I still feel so empty. I have everyone I need and yet I feel so alone. I have a roof over my head, food on my plate, parent figures, friends who love me, a boyfriend (hopefully soon to be fiancé) that loves me that is in New York._

_Oh yeah. He's in New York. That's the problem. I'm in a room full of people but yet I'm so lonely it's killing me. I feel like the world's biggest asshole because I'm not happy. Burt, Carole, Kurt, Finn, the New Directions; they've all given me the very best they have and they've welcomed me into their groups like I've been there from the start and yet I'm still not happy. _

_I'm so sad. It's not this all consuming force that takes over everything I do. That really isn't the problem. I know how to trick myself into being happy; done it for most of my life. But it's like this numbness. The things that usually make me flamboyant seem grey and empty. The birds that used to put a song in my voice are dead. It feels like I'm in a television and someone's hit the mute button. My lips are moving, I'm still doing the same thing, but that which made what you were watching before interesting and fun. . . it's gone. _

_**If you were here beside me  
Instead of in New York  
If the curve of you was curved on me  
I'd tell you that I loved you  
Before I even knew you  
Cause I loved the simple thought of you**_

_I just really miss him I guess. But then again I always miss him. I miss him when I'm sleeping; the way his slightly leaner body curls into mine as I wrap my arms around his stomach and hold him close and how my head rests in his hair and my face is so close to his I can see the rise and fall of his cheeks with each breath and smell his after shave even after a full day's activities. _

_I miss him when I'm singing in Glee Club. Lately every song I sing has been for him. I was singing the hokey pokey with Sam's little sister the other day and in my head it was still for Kurt. _

_Note to self: re-read what you just wrote then get some help, you're officially senile. _

_I think that's my cue to stop writing for now. I'll write back after spring break…_

_-Blaine Anderson_

(Kurt's POV)

(March Part One)

_Dear Journal,_

_Okay Fabiano (Yes, I named this journal Fabiano, don't judge me) I don't have much time right now because I'm so extremely busy but I should at least try to write something so it doesn't look like I'm avoiding you. Because I'm not. Well sort of, I guess. It's not you, it's me. Really it is. _

_I have so much on my plate write now and every time I write in here I end up crying on the couch with a tub of ice cream. Most times it's because I miss Blaine so damn much. I'm living my dream here in New York City. I'm an intern at , I have a fabulous apartment with my best friend (and her obnoxiously loud in bed boyfriend who also happens to be my step brother), I can finally be myself without having to worry about being beaten up when I step out the front door… But I'm still so miserable. _

_At first I wondered why I wasn't happy. But then I realized… I'm only living part of my dream. Because the full dream includes Blaine. Blaine is my dream, he's everything actually. I'm never really happy without him, and being so far away from him is really starting to get to me. _

_And I'm still so worried about him. Carole says he's been looking a little down lately. I know he tries to trick himself into being happy but clearly it hasn't been working out so well lately. I just want to make everything better for him, for us. Why did life have to come up and slap us in the face? _

_Oh, I got a cat. I know it's a bit random but I couldn't think of a way to transfer from 'I desperately miss my boyfriend' to 'I got a cat' so tough luck for you Fabiano. But ANYWAYS, in case you weren't aware, I got a cat. Her name is Buffy and she's super bad ass and cute at the same time, like her name sake: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But that's another story for another time. _

_Goodnight Fabiano, I needs me some sleep. (Uh oh, you know I'm exhausted when I start talking like Satan. I mean Santana.)_

_Yikes._

_-Kurt Hummel_


	11. March Part Two

(Blaine's POV)

(March Part Two)

_Dear Journal,_

_I'm walking on sunshine. I don't care how cheesy it sounds, I'm walking on sunshine and I couldn't be happier. The sun is shining and I'm walking on it. Deal with that._

_This may have something to do with the fact that I have an awesome sauce boyfriend who is perfect in everyway that came down and surprised me for spring break! You see, a few days ago he'd called to tell me that we wouldn't be able to get together for spring break because he had to go on a trip with Isabelle. Well, that was a lie. A lie that I cried for hours over but whatever, that doesn't matter anymore because KURT IS HERE. _

_He's in the shower right now; he's singing Call Me Maybe. I hate that song but coming from Kurt's perfect mouth it sounds like the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Hell, he could be singing me a break up letter and I'd still think it was beautiful. _

_He even surprised me at school in front of anyone, it was magical. I was feeling particularly gloomy today; it's the Thursday before March break starts by the way, and Mr. Schue was giving our performance for the assembly tomorrow some last minute tweaks when someone walks into the room with their face covered behind a huge bouquet of Tiger Lily's (which are my favourite) then out pops Kurt and I swear in that moment I felt peace at last. Then I proceeded to run and jump into his arms like a giddy two year old. _

_Then we got home and he surprised Burt! (I may have felt a swell of happiness in my chest when I realized he came to surprise me before his Dad) Then Carole made dinner and we all caught up, he didn't let go of my hand the entire time. Tomorrow he's going to come to class with me then we're going to go shopping and to get smoothies. I'm so excited for this week, and just when I thought I would be sitting at home moping all week!_

_In other news Tina's been acting funny lately and she's been really clingy, I hope she's okay; I'll need to make sure to check with her tomorrow!  
_

_-Blaine Anderson_

_(Kurt's POV)_

_(March Part One)_

_Dear Journal, _

_Hey there Fabiano! Lovely day isn't it? Although I suppose you wouldn't know that seeing as you are the journal and I am the human. Either way it's a lovely day. Blaine and I just got home from 6 Flags! Gosh, it's been a wild day._

_Blaine woke me up this morning at 9 and told me to get ready and be downstairs in one hour! I had no idea what was going on but he seemed really excited…so I went along with it. Then we drove up and had the best day ever. We rode the rides (well the ones that Blaine was tall enough for) and we played games and BLAINE WON ME A BEAR!_

_I know to you that may no be a big deal but it was one of the most romantic things that has ever happened to me. He was so sweet and I named the bear Pavarotti to honour our dead bird and it's so cute! _

_I'm just realizing now that I sound like a giddy 14 year old girl who just went on her first date. But who the hell cares because my boyfriend is adorable and I get him for another 6 days! All to myself! _

_I'm just happy I could get the time off! Isabelle's been really cool letting me have time off to go and see Blaine! This time she even agreed to watch Buffy for me (since the last time Finn terrorized her so I refuse to leave her in their care for more than a few hours)! Besides one frantic call yesterday asking me if it's normal that she sleep so much I suspect Isabelle has been doing great!_

_And another great this is that in exactly two months I'll be back in Lima for Blaine's graduation and then as soon as that's over he'll be coming back to New York with me, and hopefully as my fiancé! I cannot wait! _

_Until next time Fabiano!_

_-Kurt Hummel_


	12. April

(Blaine's POV)

(April)

_Dear Journal,_

_For the first time in what seems like too long I'm genuinely happy for reasons other than Kurt's presence in my life. I haven't felt this way in so long and I really forgot what it felt like, it's nice. Life is good, Burt and I have been working in the garage a lot lately and I got my letters back from colleges. I chose Julliard because it's close to FIT since I'll be living with Kurt and I'm all ready to just get out of Lima already. I'm right on my way to Salutatorian then I get my diploma!_

_Oh and I bought Kurt's ring. It's beautiful, just like him. Thanks to my job at the Lima Bean I was able to save up enough money and set some aside for moving to New York. I'm really excited! I've already planned how I'm going to propose and everything, but there's still this part of me that doesn't think he'll say yes. I had such a bad anxiety attack at the store that I almost didn't buy the ring. Luckily I took Carole with me and she calmed me down. God I love the Hummel's. _

_Oh, and remember how I mentioned that Tina had been acting a bit weird? Well, that hit a peak last week. Yeah, lots of tears lots of confessions and tons of awkwardness. Apparently she 'fell in love' with me. I don't know how that happened but it was creepy and I'm glad that she got over it once I told her that I didn't feel the same because I've tried dating a girl before and let's just say… yeah, no. Thanks, but no thanks. _

_Gotta get back to rehearsal, Mr. Schue's really been getting on us about practice lately. At least we'll be prepared for Nationals!_

_-Blaine Anderson_

_(Kurt's POV)_

_(April)_

_Dear Journal,_

_Fabiano, guess what! I bought the ring! I finally saved up the money I needed from working as a singing waiter and I did it! I'm so happy! Graduation is 25 days away and then Blaine will be mine forever. And I even get to see him before that because nationals are in New York, and those are in 18 days! And since I only have 12 more days of class I'm going to head back to Lima with the gang after they win nationals for the second year in a row! _

_Dad says that Blaine's been doing a lot better lately, like being happy and stuff so that takes a lot of pressure off of me. It's so hard being in a long distance relationship. I can't wait to wake up in his arms every morning for the rest of my life. _

_Oh and get this Fabiano, Blaine was telling me the other day that Tina's had this weird crush on him! It took all my strength not to fly back to Lima to cut the bitch. And she even tried sexting him! MY BOYFRIEND WAS MOLEXTED! It's disgusting really. But he says that they talked it out and she's over it so I guess I won't have to kill her next time I see her, but you can bet she's be getting some pretty good bitch glares. _

_Buffy's good and I got some earplugs so the nights have been a bit easier. Although when Finchel's beds-a-rockin, no one gets much sleep. Buffy seems to agree with me. She yawned, she's so precious! Maybe I should try and convince Blaine to let me name our first child after her, cause even he likes Buffy…_

_I'm crazy, holy hell._

_Well then Fabiano, I'm going to sleep….._

_-Kurt Hummel_


	13. May Part One

(Blaine's POV)

(May Part One)

_Dear Journal,_

_WE WON NATIONALS HOLY CRAP. Sorry for shouting but holy crap, we won nationals! It was a week ago and I'm still filled with adrenaline, sorry I haven't written yet but holy crap, nationals; we won it. I sang 'When I Was Your Man' by Bruno Mars as our ballad, then Marley and me (tear because Marley and me movie) sang 'Love Song' by Sara Bareilles with the group as back up, and finally Tina and Marley took the lead on 'Anything Could Happen' by Ellie Goulding! And we won! Did I mention that? Cause we did. We won that shit._

_Also I GOT VALEDICTORIAN! I had been aiming for Salutatorian because we all thought Arite had Valedictorian in the bag but nope, it was me! Blaine Anderson, Valedictorian and Show Choir Champion! Boo yeah! _

_Kurt's back in Lima now too! But we're leaving for New York tomorrow morning since I graduate in about 30 minutes! Kurt's just finishing his hair then we're going to leave! I can't wait to propose to him later, he looks so beautiful and I'm so ready. _

_I guess I also just wanted to say thank you, thank you for being there for me when I didn't have anyone else, thank you for listening to me and thank you for supporting me. This was a great idea and I can't wait to look back on these in years to come. _

_I never thought at this time last year that they year would turn out like this but I wouldn't change it for the world. _

_It's been fun!_

_-Blaine Anderson (soon to be Hummel) _

_(Kurt's POV)_

_(May Part One)_

_Dear Journal,_

_Looking back through this book at all the struggles and challenges we've been through in the past year I can honestly say that I couldn't have done it without you Fabiano. You helped me let out my frustrations, my worries, my happiness and you've been there for me when I really needed someone to be. Thanks for that. _

_Now that all that sappy stuff is out of the way… THEY WON NATIONALS. I think I'm more excited this year then I was last year and I wasn't even part of the winning team. But Blaine deserves this; he deserves it more than anyone I've ever known. He's been through so much in the past and it's nice to finally be able to look him in the eye and say 'You won baby'. _

_We're leaving in like 2 minutes to go to graduation, Blaine just ran back in the house to grab his gown and cap so this will probably be short but I just wanted to write something down quickly. Hopefully when we look at these next we will be Blaine and Kurt Hummel, I know I can't wait!_

_Oh crap Blaine's coming! Thanks Fabiano! Until next time…_

_-Kurt Hummel_


	14. May Part Two

_(Kurt's POV)_

_(May Part Two)_

_Dear Journal,_

_He said Yes._

_-Kurt Hummel_

_(Blaine's POV)_

_(May Part Two)_

_Dear Journal,_

_I said Yes. _


End file.
